As I sat I the hotel, completely over-stimulated and overwhelmed, I sobbed, "Please God, help me! You have to help me. This isn't working."
The difference between a meltdown and a tantrum is that a
tantrum stops when the child gets what they want. As if a switch was flipped. A meltdown looks very similar, but nothing
will stop it. Often the person needs
physical intervention from someone else to recover. With our kiddo things that help reset him
are: a quiet space, a dark room and the
iPad. GOD BLESS the iPad!
The kiddo is seven. Due to Fragile X, cognitively he is about half that. He has been about half of his age all of his life. We see developmental progress it is just verrrrry
slooooowly. Basically, imagine a three a
half year old in a fifty two pound body. He gets completely over stimulated in big spaces or places with other children
crying, running, etc., etc. The grocery
store, Target, Costco… all of these fit that bill perfectly.
From the time he has been very little, his response to over-stimulation is to sit on the floor or crawl under a table, tell you he is
“stuck” and start to cry. If he isn't “rescued” he will start to sob and eventually will work himself up into gagging
and throwing up. And you ask why we don’t go to birthday parties… but that is
a story for another day.
Up to this point in his life when he is stuck or on the verge of a meltdown I just pick him up, plop him on my hip and voila! He is no longer stuck. Sure it means I get to carry him home for a couple of blocks, but that’s just the Wonder Mommy that I am… and weight bearing exercise is good for the bones.. right?
Up to this point in his life when he is stuck or on the verge of a meltdown I just pick him up, plop him on my hip and voila! He is no longer stuck. Sure it means I get to carry him home for a couple of blocks, but that’s just the Wonder Mommy that I am… and weight bearing exercise is good for the bones.. right?
As he has approached 50 pounds (he is seven now) and I
started needing to go to the chiropractor due to my back being pulled out I
realized that throwing him on my hip was no longer an option. So we began to take the stroller with us.. to
the park… when he goes for a bike ride. Just
in case he gets stuck / melts down.
This new option looks like this: we head to the park, he gets there just fine by running which revs his emotional engine the whole way there (It’s sooo exciting!!) he plays on the equipment until he is
completely overwhelmed, plops on the ground, informs us he is stuck and starts
to cry.
The Stroller to the Rescue!
We pick him up, plop him in the stroller and head for home. Sure, he sobs for about half a block
and when we get home the transition up the stairs is really rough… but he
recovers in about 20 minutes in a dark room with the iPad and the world is fine
again.
Our approach to shopping is slightly modified: get-in-get-out! At Target we get through the door,
immediately plop him in a cart, with an iPad and a snack. We hurry through the store praying that we
don’t encounter a small child crying. If
we do we race in the opposite direction because he is very susceptible to
emotional contagion. He can “catch”
other’s emotions very very easily. (We
always warn his teacher not to be too emotional while reading books to the
class.)
If he is not in a cart at the store he will race down the
aisle (imagine that nice long, wide aisle… the one right by the checkouts),
fall on the floor, start to cry... We typically
rescue him immediately. Due to our quick thinking, we haven’t
cleaned up vomit off of the floor in a store in a looong time. But I still have am flooded with adrenaline as
I think about that time in Toys R
Us. If we can get him in a cart within
about 15 seconds of being stuck we are good.
If not he will sob all the way to the car. Such has been our lives for .. oh… a long
time.
You can imagine a trip out in public is like and the level
of stress I have when we enter a store. Constantly on edge… waiting for the bomb that is our child to
erupt. And for the most part
we are successful.
But that day, as I was given time to reflect, I was the one
completely overwhelmed.
We were in the middle of a parent immersion workshop with
the husband and wife team from PACE Place in Oregon. http://www.paceplace.org/aPaceExperience/Immersion3Pro.html They offer a immersion weekend in which they
do a couple days of parent training and then spend a day with you and your
child going wherever you want. They
requested that we choose two things to work on. One of my things was our difficulty with “getting stuck.”
That morning we picked up Eric and headed to Target. Per his instructions I carried the kiddo into
the store. We went right past the carts. The kiddo was thrilled! We get to WALK! Which, in his head means “I get to RUN!” We headed down the aisle by the checkouts. We attempted to have him hold my hand but he
was interested in running ahead. No
surprises there. Eric suggested we head
down an aisle.
The kiddo was not interested in the least in what we were
doing. He was interested in RUNNING and
LAUGHING.. which always ends badly. Eric
told us to hide behind the end of the aisle to see if he would come and find
us. Again, nope! I heard him laughing hysterically, running
down the main aisle. I looked at my
husband, “here we go…” I said, convinced it was the beginning of the end. Eric brought him back and said, “You know
what? You and Dad get to be best
friends.” And he hooked him up with The
Connector. (cue the angels singing)
Basically it is two belts. One for the parent, one for the child. There is a thin cord about 2 feet long that connects them. Look here for a picture: http://www.connectorrx.com/
Basically it is two belts. One for the parent, one for the child. There is a thin cord about 2 feet long that connects them. Look here for a picture: http://www.connectorrx.com/
As soon as they were connected Timothy immediately
calmed. Eric told my husband, “show him
something.” We were in the dishes aisle. My husband picks up a plate. “Oh!
Look!” The kiddo immediately is mesmerized “WOW… cool Dad!” And he was calm. And they side by side down the aisle, through
the electronics, through the toys. For about a half an hour. No meltdowns, no screaming, no getting
stuck.
And that afternoon we went to Trader Joe’s and Costco and
Caribou Coffee… in a row. No screaming,
no meltdowns, no getting stuck. It was
like a miracle. Joint attention,
creating relationship… It was amaaazing. It isn't a safety device. It isn't like those harness / leash things where the kid pulls you like a dog would and
you keep them from running off.
You are connected by Velcro, which, if they pulled hard
enough would detach. Eventually we will
use less Velcro and they can learn to “fix the relationship” when it gets
broken. But we are a ways away from
there.
Not only does it stop the meltdowns from happening, it will
diffuse one. We went to the park, he got
stuck. I connected him and we walked
back to the car and transitioned just fine into the house. No iPad needed. Seriously! My stress level has decreased a ton! AMAZING STUFF!
He was in the car and decided he was stuck and started to
cry. I said, “Oh, I am going to connect
with you!” He sat up, said, “I hold you
Mommy!” gave me a hug, got out of the car
on his own and walked up the stairs. Our
PCA was with us and we just held our breath the entire walk up the stairs into
the house. AMAZED.
We had issues when I would drop him off at school. If you haven’t chased a seven year old down
the hallway three times.. once in front of a class of second graders you really
haven’t lived. With the Connector he
stays with me. No falling to the
floor. Did I mention it’s amazing??
Of course the other question that begs to be answered is,
“WHY DOESN’T EVERYONE KNOW ABOUT THIS?!?!?!” But for now it remains unanswered….
AND the best part? My
stress level is starting to decrease as well.